mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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