yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
