i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
