PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
