she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I didn't notice because vodka
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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