How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
