Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
