I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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