I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
