I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
