Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
