Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
