I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
