the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
