He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
