i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
