Got a toothbrush?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
