I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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