I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
