I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
