I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
