If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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