I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize