She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
