I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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