I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
as a side note pls kill me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
