3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
