the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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