I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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