I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
