Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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