Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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