she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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