is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
