turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
