Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
