He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
