Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
