I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
