Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
