k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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