sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you win again, gameday.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
