i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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