Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
