K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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