this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
