am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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