I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
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Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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