it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
