Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
