Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
