i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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