I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize