either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
