I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
no, he came in my armpit
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
