I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
