can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
