Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
