I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
