Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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