Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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