I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
