There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
