Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
