shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
