tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just googled if crying burns calories
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
