mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
