i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
