I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
