Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
