So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
