btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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