Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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