Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
