Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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