Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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