Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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