dude i'm inner monologue high
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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