I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is Oprah even human
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
