We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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