Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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