respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
