dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
