make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
